Feelings of remorse..

Busy Sunday.. Cleaned the kitchen in the morning, mopped the entire place, had lunch, shower then sat down to do my work. Felt sleepy in the late noon, so made myself a cup of coffee. Wasted 2 packets of coffee powder. First packet - I was washing my cup at the basin. After tt, opened a pkt of coffee powder and pour in the cup. Just don't know why I on the tap and fill the entire cup, stired. HEY! Why on earth am I putting tap water instead of hot water! Silly me. Sigh.. Opened another packet and went right to pour hot water in. Drank tt cup and was able to stay awake the entire afternoon.

Anyway.. I was looking for a pair of diamond earrings my frn gave me, and chanced upon this gold chain and pendant my waipo gave me when I was a month old. That's like 23 yrs ago. I was looking at the pendant and told my sis "Wai po gave me this when I was a mth old." Then she said sthing that struck me damn hard "But she's not around anymore." Sigh...

Any idea how hard that hit me? Just a simple sentance like that. Missed her so much. She passed away on 12th July. But it's hard to forget lor. She literally went off right in front of me and when I was holding her hands. Why huh, why do I always feel regret when someone close left me? When my paternal grandfather passed away abt 8 yrs ago, I felt the same thing. So remorseful even till now. At tt time I told myself I ought to treasure my close ones more. But now I'm still feeling like this.

Sometimes I just don't understand why regrets, regrets, regrets. Yes, I regretted not having spent more time with her. I was busy at work. But now I thought work is nothing. I could have put it aside and put the time on my wai po. Last mth visited her tombstone on her 100th day. I looked at her picture and thought: Well, at least now she don't have to struggle, she has a place to carry on what she wants to do.. Sigh..

Recently my ah mah (my paternal grandmother) complained of lots of pain, she cannot breathe properly. So scared she'll be gone. I hoped Im doing enough for her now, by spending time with her whenever I could..

If you do have grandparents whom you haven't seen for a long long time, do make out some time for them. When we were still a child, they doted on us so much - I'm sure every grandparent does. Don't wait for the day they'll never wake up and you tell yourself you've regretted..

Don't..